Intimacy – are you being held for ransom by YOU

In entering my new relationship recently, we had fun with all sorts of astrology, numerology and psychic readings about us being the perfect match. Whilst we were of course, both of us were told several times we had intimacy issues. On the surface it would not appear that way for either of us, however below the surface they were definitely there so we went on a quest to solve those issues.


In coaching I have realised that intimacy or it’s foe – reserved and clinical, holds people back. It’s not that you have to be intimate with everyone. In fact discernment would rule over that pretty well, however most people are not even intimate with themselves.

Intimacy = INTO ME I SEE

When was the last time you stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked and inspected yourself?

When did you last share that part of you with a loved one, trusted friend, counsel or even your priest in confession?

When was the last time you actually told yourself the truth?

So what is intimacy and what should you do to connect with it? An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. Strangely when you google it – intimacy talks about being intimate. It’s like there is nothing it means, it just is.

Intimacy to me is being true to yourself, and being true to those you love and to those that you work with and live alongside. For example, the best way to get ahead is to stop kidding yourself. I see so many people that say ‘I’m OK’ when obviously they aren’t. I was an only child. Asking for help was foreign to me. In the front page of my diary every year I have written: Ask for Help. It’s there to remind me to share issues and areas where I need help. All the best people in the world need help.

Being intimate with your partner is about sharing your truth. I’m not saying go home and declare your love for the neighbour to your spouse, but maybe share that you are having issues with your attraction in your present relationship and you wish to address it.

Being intimate with your work is allowing your clients and staff to see you as human, not a 1980’s machine. When I started work I was told to keep all my stuff at home and under no circumstances bring it to the office. Im not saying to dump your crap on the receptionist, but I am saying that if you aren’t having a great day, take it off, certainly don’t try and sell anything or have big meetings, tell the boss you need some time or space and come back refreshed and revitalised after you have worked out what is making you feel that way, or if it persists seek help.


We share some pretty cool intimate secrets and our relationship is much stronger for it. I didn’t delete photo’s of ex girlfriends as she knows I have had them, and I didn’t ask her to. In fact we share what we learnt from those relationships that we liked or that didn’t work for us so we could have a stronger relationship.

Isn’t it about time you were honest with the one person who deserves it – YOU.


Author: Mike Handcock

Mike Handcock is the Chairman and Founder of Circle of Excellence Group, a global transformational company focussed on assisting people to create Prosperity, Freedom & Purpose.

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